Diary Entry #1

 Dear Diary, it's me                                                                            4/11/24

April 2nd 

So far I’ve been nervous and anxious, but everything seems like it’s gone well so far. I’m hoping things continue to work out because I’m definitely starting to panic a little bit. 

April 10th

I fled my work away yesterday after waking up with some mysterious bug bites. I don’t want to talk about it. 

When traveling by yourself, it’s important to rely on your gut and trust your decisions. As someone who doesn’t get along with her gut and hates making her own decisions, this is the hardest part of solo traveling.

Deciding to leave my world packers was hard for many reasons. Partly because I didn’t want to look like a prissy girl who couldn’t rough it and partly because I saved a lot of money staying there.

After two days of some dramatic anxiety and general feelings of unhappiness, I realized I had literally no reason to stay. 

There was no wrong decision.

One decision would save me a little money but threaten my mental stability, and the other decision would cost me a little money but save my mental health. So I chose decision two. Money always comes back, right?

Let me tell you, as soon as I got off my bus in Pontassieve and had a cappuccino in my hand, un cappuccino per favore!, I knew I had chosen the better option. 

For the week I was at my World Packers, which was advertised as a castle, I had been coming up with reason after reason as to why I needed to stay and ignore my unease. 

I thrive in happy and positive environments, and that place was not one. I was constantly doubting myself and the relationships I was making and the things I was doing. No one was really happy there and it showed. 

I write to you now, on my 20 euro train to Cinque Terre, with a new pep to my step and ease in my chest. 

Let’s back up

You may all be confused and wondering “What is Julia doing in Italy,” so let me backtrack and give you all the update you deserve. 

As a lot of you may know, I’ve been saying I was going to Italy since graduating college last May. And as most of you also know, I never did that. I’ve been living at home, nannying and freelance writing, and living a very quiet and tame life, something I don’t typically like to do. 

I allowed myself that time to stay in my comfort zone and enjoy my time with my parents, but I knew I wasn’t growing. My dad told me once that I’m the type of person who if I’m not moving forward, I’m moving backward. And as harsh as it sounds, it’s true. 

My depression was bad, my anxiety was curling my insides, and my self-esteem had been in the absolute gutter from a mixture of job rejections and my tiny social life. 

I realized that sitting at home and waiting for something to happen wasn't working anymore. So, two weeks before leaving for a family trip to Italy, I booked a three-week free stay at a castle in Tuscany through World Packers and decided to stay in Italy for the next month. 

Then, slowly, things started to fall into place. 

I got a job offer for the end of May, I planned some of my trip, and suddenly I was off to Italy with only a small plan. 

Now, it may sound like I planned all this calmly and happily, but let me tell you. I was a mess from the minute I booked my trip to about five days ago. 

When I tell you my anxiety hasn’t been this bad in years, I couldn’t eat for a week straight. 

Once my parents and brother left Rome on March 30th, I found myself in a bad spot very quickly. I was constantly exhausted and anxious about every decision I made, and I couldn’t get myself to enjoy the fact that I was In Italy. 

But, as they typically do, things got better. 

I made a friend and we took the train from Rome to Florence together, then spent a weekend together exploring the city! I made another friend and we all got dinner together on my last night in Florence. Surprisingly, things started looking bright.

I realized that I can do this. I was doing it. 

There was no questioning if things would fail or if I would fail because I finally trusted myself. 

Then, all the confidence I built up completely melted away the minute I got to my World Packers stay. 

World Packers is an organization that connects people with workaways. You live and eat somewhere for free in exchange for 25-30 hours of free labor a week. This is a common thing for travelers, and I’ve had a lot of friends who've done it. 

I picked a place that advertised their work away with “Come hang out with cool people in a 1,000-year-old castle!” HELL FUCKING YEAH. I couldn’t apply faster. A castle! In Tuscany!

But, as it turns out, not everything is as it seems, and this castle was one of those things. 

Volunteers are only allowed in the castle if we were cleaning it, and the only other place we could go was our housing accommodations that smelled like salami or stay outside. It was rough. 

As you obviously know, I lasted a week at this place before I left. 

The beauty of Tuscany and nature definitely had me in a chokehold and was one of the reasons I tried so hard to stay. I’d never experienced the beginning of spring quite like I did in Tuscany. 

But sadly, mental health Trumps bees and birds. 

So, now we’re here, on a train to Cinque Terre with a newfound confidence and a crick in my neck from carrying my mega-sized backpack. 

I have about a month left of my trip, and hopefully, there will be another diary entry like this one. I hope you all enjoyed! Talk soon x (and if you want to buy me dinner one night, my Venmo is julia-digeronimo-1 ;))

Some pictures!!!